As we all know M. Bison is the criminal mastermind behind evil corporation Shadaloo in Street Fighter. But what happens when he decides that all this fighting is just not his thing anymore, and taking over the world just isn’t worth these beatings?
Over the past twenty-something years General M. Bison has been trying his hardest to win the Street Fighter tournament and finally take over the world. But to say he’s been unsuccessful is an understatement, and a very painful one too – did you know that in the past he has had Ryu’s, Guile’s, Chung Lei’s and E. Honda’s feet surgically removed from his arse? One time when Blanka did the same thing, they had to wait for a week for an appointment at the hospital (I bet that was awkward… I wonder what they talked about). But after his latest failed attempt at being the world’s best fighter, he goes home to the penthouse suite at Shadaloo towers, looks in the mirror at his bloodied face and ripped red suit (he’s had so many of those made that his tailor is now a millionaire), starts to contemplate giving up on taking over the world and decides to tell the board of directors about his decision the next day.
When M. Bison tells the board they aren’t happy in the slightest, especially when he suggests they focus on making a self-named brand of gentleman’s capes instead of world domination. He instantly gets thrown out of Shadaloo towers and Vega gets named as his successor. As the former general walks the streets with his belongings and his goldfish Keith, he makes his way to Balrog’s house where he generously lets Bison sleep on his sofa. This unfortunately doesn’t last too long as the general decides to make himself at home, constantly walking around in his SpongeBob boxers and doing endless presentations on how the M. Bison gentleman’s cape business will work. Balrog throws him out but keeps Keith as the little goldfish was surprisingly great at cooking (his specialty is a Michelin-standard chocolate mousse).
Hey you! Buy one of my capes… NOW!
M. Bison had only one more friend to go live with: his former right-hand man. When Sagat opened the door of his caravan and sees Bison standing there he is so happy. The first thing he asks is “Where’s Keith?” and the general, holding back a tear, just replies “He’s moved on with his life.” When M. Bison walks into the caravan it’s a total mess, covered in empty Special Brew cans and Budweiser bottles. Since the last time he saw Sagat he has gotten married (she looked like E. Honda in a wig but at least he’s happy). When his friend turned around to make him a cup of tea, his wife started making sexy faces towards the former general; and let’s just say when Sagat turned back round Bison wasn’t there anymore (he ran for his life).
M. Bison walks the streets for hours before deciding to go to a bar and get hammered and when he goes into the ‘Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting’ club a hush falls over the crowd. Ryu is there and gets right in his face, demanding to know what the hell he is doing there. Bison tells him to calm down, explains what happened with the Shadaloo and Vega taking over the company, and the fact he just doesn’t want to be ruler of the world any more. Ryu is understandably untrusting of M. Bison but goes with it; so that night they hatch a plan to take down the Shadaloo and put M. Bison back in charge.
It was time to take down Vega.
The next night our two heroes put their plan into full force. They rock up to the intercom and nicely ask if they can have the company back to which the rude receptionist says “No” in a stern voice, so they have to go back to the drawing board. The following evening they return with a better plan and break in through the back door, clearing over thirty floors of Vega’s henchmen without being seen by the security cameras. They get outside his office and prepare for a fight to the death, so with a pumped-up attitude they bust in; but that same attitude turns sour when they discovered Vega naked on the sofa with his headphones in, eyes closed and singing along to his favourite Dr Dre CD. So instead of an epic battle they simply sneak up behind him and whack him over the head with a blunt object (which was a brass statue of Vega’s genitals, by the way) and then out the window he goes.
Ryu comments on how surprisingly easy that was, but the general talks about how the hard work is just beginning if he wants to get the M. Bison gentleman’s cape business off the ground. Bison and his former enemy stare over the town and look to what the future might bring… I’ll tell you what happened after two days: they get on each other’s nerves and M. Bison throws Ryu out the same window he just got repaired. Oh well, I guess some people are just meant to be mortal enemies.
