Duke Nukem is best known for being the beer-drinking, foul-mouthed, stripper-loving, politically-incorrect muscleman we all know and love. But what happens when the aliens stop invading Earth and our saviour has to return to the real world?
Duke finds himself at a bit of a loss after the last battle with the Cycloid Empire and so, bored of sitting in his run-down apartment alone, he decides to hit the strip clubs hard. Many months of trawling these gentlemen’s establishments pass before something unexpected happens: he falls for a dancer named Trixie and embarks on a whirlwind romance. The two lovebirds decide to get married in Las Vegas and a three-month bender of alcohol and gambling ensues; but when the party ends and all the money has run out, our golden couple have to return to Duke’s apartment hung-over and totally penniless.
Not being content with the broke lifestyle, Trixie suggests that Duke gets a job and he finally agrees to this demand after much cursing and throwing things across the room. However, it turns out that alien-slaying isn’t recognized as ‘proper experience’ these days and the only company willing to look at his CV on is McDonalds. So our hero swallows his pride and puts on his uniform, but let’s just say his first day doesn’t quite go to plan: within an hour of starting, Ronald McDonalds’ head ends up in the fryer and a Filet-o-Fish gets stuffed up his arse. When Duke arrives home and tells his loving wife about his ‘resignation’, she admits she has a dark secret to share with him after much cursing and throwing things across the room.
What happens when the aliens stop invading and our saviour has to return to the real world?
To her husband’s disgust, Trixie then changes form and reveals herself to be one of the Cycloid Empire trying to make it in the human world. She asks Duke if he could ever love someone with a weirdly-shaped, slimy head and big claw hands; and in a rare show of compassion, he puts his gun down and says he will stand by his scaly stripper no matter what. In the months and years that follow the happy couple have many human-cycloid babies and Duke even manages to hold down a job as a bouncer at the ‘Bare Butts’ club downtown. And Trixie doesn’t do to bad in her chosen career-path either, because she’s basically an alien everyone became very scared of and made ruler of the world.
Want to know what happens when Mario retires? Take a look at our previous article here.
