Some of you may know Villager as a mild-mannered friendly character from the Animal Crossing series. His main purpose in life is to lead a quiet existence where he can indulge in his favourite past times of fishing, finding fossils, and collecting insects. But what happens when he gets bored of the quiet life and decides he wants something a little more extreme?
Villager returns home one evening from yet another day around Animal Crossing where – yet again – he’s caught the biggest fish in the lake, captured the rarest of insects and dug up the most sought after fossils. The latter consists of junk from Nintendo’s past including one of Donkey Kong’s loud ties and a slightly smelly moustache from Mario, along with Nintendogs. He goes to bed wishing for more in his life and in the morning his prayers are answered, when he finds a strange envelope inside his mailbox. He nervously opens the letter thinking it’s another final demand from the Animal Crossing debt collection agency, but no; his nerves turn to joy when he sees that it’s an invite to the Super Smash Bros tournament (which he thinks is being held in Bowser’s back garden this year).
Seeing this as a way out of his boring life, Villager packs his bags and sets off to what he hopes is his new career. He feels a little bit intimidated when he arrives at the tournament as he hasn’t done any training or been in a fight in his life; the only thing he’s ever hit hard is the coffee table when he stubbed his toe on it. He looks at the board to see who his first-round opponent is and is slightly relieved to find out he’s up against a fellow new-comer, the female Wii Fit trainer.
Villager was ready for his fight.
After seeing some pretty brutal fights, included Mario versus Bowser, Mega Man versus Zelda and the bloodbath that was Pikachu versus Kirby, it’s time for Villager to step up to the arena. The bell rings and within ten seconds the Wii Fit trainer has her legs wrapped around Villager’s neck, chocking him out. But far from deterring the little guy, this loss actually helps him to develop a taste for fighting and from then on he vows to be the best fighter ever.
As soon as he gets back to Animal Crossing, he starts to lie about how well he did by saying how he beat some dinosaur with a saddle on his back and a princess in a pink dress from the 1980s. People are amazed and soon Villager starts to swagger around town, thinking he’s tough after intimidating the local school kids and catching fish with his teeth (actually, the fish were already dead but let’s just keep that between us).
Never be horrible to your friends.
Wanting to fight some more, Villager goes on the internet to find out if there are other tournaments out there to compete in. He comes across one that looks interesting and signs up; it takes place in two weeks and is called Mortal Kombat. So with a fortnight to train he gets serious and runs for miles every day, lifts weights at the gym and goes to the butchers to take out his aggression on hanging animal carcasses like punching bags (but the sight of blood made him queasy so he fainted). Villager was finally ready so he made his way to Mortal Kombat.
When he arrives, he isn’t as nervous as he was before and believes he has a shot at winning this time. Villager shocks the entire tournament by breezing through the quarter-finals after beating Johnny Cage, all be it by default due to the fighter not turning up because of car trouble. He then goes on to beat Sub-Zero in the semi-finals, because of a terrible accident where his opponent trips over a rock and impales his own head on a spike. Then come the finals: Villager is up against none other than Raiden.
Villager didn’t know what he was getting himself in to.
Villager is as nervous as he’s ever been – even more so than that time he took a wee in the lake when he thought nobody was watching. Sadly for the little guy, when the fight starts there’s no contest: Raiden hits him with one lightning bolt after another and the battle is over before it’s begun. As Villager lays in the hospital looking like a sausage that’s been left on the barbeque for too long, he thinks that maybe competing in fighting tournaments isn’t the best career path for him.
When he returns home he realises what an idiot he’s been. He goes around town apologising to the school kids (one kicks him in the shin); he goes to the lake and says sorry for having a wee in it (the owner bans him for three months); and last but not least, he goes to the butcher and apologises for damaging so much of his meat (he gets slapped around the face with a piece of tenderloin). When he finally gets back to his house, Villager thinks to himself that the quiet life is a good life and that he should be happy with what he has in Animal Crossing.
